nursing home - Nursinghomeology

Why Do People Refuse to Use Their Brains?

June 14, 2012 by Lisa Marie Chirico 3 Comments

Have you ever wondered if people deliberately turn off their brain function? I know I have. From time to time, I find my Dad’s care at the nursing home lacking in common sense. To put it bluntly, when his personalized care plan is not followed, I want to exclaim to the person responsible: “don’t you have a brain inside your head?”

Sometimes, these lapses in judgement could be seen as medical errors. Other times, these “mistakes” are quality of life issues that have a big impact on my Dad. Either way, they should never be seen as petty or unimportant.

The word stupid may be one way to categorize these thoughtless actions. Merriam-Webster defines stupid as: “given to unintelligent decisions or acts: acting in an unintelligent or careless manner.”

Although we will never know someone’s justification for taking shortcuts when providing care, I believe it has something to do with that person’s compassion and sensitivity. A staff member of my Dad’s nursing home once remarked to me that compassion is not something that can be taught. I don’t agree with her.

By showing compassion and love for others, we set an example to follow. That example shines light into dark corners and illuminates everything in and around them. I believe that people can learn to be more compassionate, but sometimes, they turn away from what they know is right and instead, embrace what is wrong.

My Dad is unable to make any of his needs known. Although we speak for Dad now, our voices are not always heard. We can only hope and pray that those caring for him make the right choices—choices motivated by common sense, compassion, and the Golden Rule.

When There Is Silence

June 1, 2012 by Lisa Marie Chirico 6 Comments

I delayed writing this post because I was very angry and upset about the topic. I thought over time, it would become easier for me to share my thoughts and feelings. I was wrong.

My Dad was injured one night as he slept in his bed at the nursing home. To be specific, he received a cut on his hand that required nine stitches. To make matters worse, the nursing home’s investigation revealed no details about what caused the wound. In addition, the digital X-ray taken in the ER shed no light on the incident since it did not find any foreign matter in the laceration.

For my family, this means that we will never know what caused Dad’s injury. Since Alzheimer’s disease took his voice, he can’t tell us exactly what happened to him. Although this is difficult for us, we can only imagine how frustrating all of this must be for him.

We accept the fact that accidents happen and that people are not perfect. In an ideal world, those who gave care to my Dad that night would have told the truth when they were questioned. This way, my family would have received closure. Unfortunately, this was not the case.

As the sun came up and the next shift arrived, Dad’s aide came into his room to get him ready to start the day. She was shocked to discover his injury. She tried to figure out what could have caused the laceration. Strangely, there was no more blood in sight. Not on the pure white sheets, blanket, or pillow case. Not on the floor, the nightstand, or the bed rail. The garbage pail in the bathroom was even empty. In fact, there was no evidence in the room at all to indicate that anything out of the ordinary had occurred during the night.

Just like special agents from NCIS, my family searched for clues everywhere in Dad’s room to help us understand how he could have received such a deep laceration wound. We later were told that the nursing home staff had also searched for traces of blood, but found none. So, what conclusion can possibly be reached?

We have reasons to believe that those who were questioned were not telling the truth. We can only assume it was because they feared losing their jobs. I wish I could turn back the clock and whisper in their ears “the truth shall set you free.” Sadly though, I don’t think it would have made a bit of difference. Fear is a powerful motivator.

Like many before me, I am here to say that it’s never okay, under any circumstances, to take advantage of someone’s disability to suit one’s own needs. The people who were questioned about my Dad’s laceration believed that withholding the truth was the right thing to do – for them. They rationalized that because my Dad is unable to speak, the truth would never come out. They live with their misdeed. We live with the hurt that they caused our loved one.

I wonder what exactly happens when people flip a switch in their minds and place their needs ahead of everyone and everything else? To take it a step further, what do human brains look like when they are being selfish? Most importantly, what happens inside their hearts?

“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
– Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Laundry Machine Ate All The Socks

December 20, 2011 by Lisa Marie Chirico 2 Comments

You may expect that your family member’s laundry is the last thing that you’ll worry about when they move into a nursing home. After all, what could be so complicated about laundry? Nursing homes are equipped with machines that can handle the job, and employ a staff to sort and deliver the clean laundry. Right? Well, I’m truly sorry to tell you that you’re only half right; let me explain.

There is a cat named Homer that roams my Dad’s nursing home in search of socks. Once Homer finds them, he hoards them. On special occasions, such as his birthday or a holiday, he wears them. Funny story, isn’t it? Is it a true story, you ask? Well no, but I really wish it was! That way, at least there would be some explanation for what happened to all of my Dad’s socks. As a new resident, he had more than two weeks’ worth of socks. Slowly, this number dwindled, until ALL of his socks just disappeared. Did we receive a warning about this so we could buy more socks for him? No, none was given. Instead, one day when I visited, I noticed that he had his shoes on with no socks. Yes, he was sockless. It may look trendy for men to go sockless in the summer, but I’m willing to bet that no caregiver wants to see their loved one without socks, no matter what time of year it is.

Upon my inquiry into this matter, the answer I received from the aides was “there was none in his drawer.” I wondered out loud where all of his socks could be, yet no one had any answers for me. One of my Dad’s aides even ventured to look for his socks in the dressers of some of the other men on his floor, but to no avail. Thankfully, another resident was happy to lend my Dad a pair of his socks. I realized that the next day, I would need to investigate this laundry mystery.

Well, what I discovered did not put my mind at ease. It seemed that no one in the laundry department could find my Dad’s socks, not one pair. Where had they all disappeared to? Maybe they were in the socks without mates bin? No, not there. Maybe they hadn’t been washed yet. No, all the soiled laundry was washed and accounted for. Since I was unable to solve this laundry mystery, I decided that my theory about Homer must be true. Or, that maybe all my Dad’s socks were abducted by aliens and tossed into a black hole somewhere in our galaxy.

All jokes aside, the issue of laundry for nursing home residents is one that family members and caregivers must continually keep watch over. The sock incident that I discuss in this post is not the first or only problem that we encountered with my Dad’s laundry. To avoid these problems, you may find it easier to take your loved one’s soiled clothes home with you and wash them yourself. If he or she is incontinent, ask the aides to separate the clean from the soiled clothing, and place them in their designated laundry bags (which you should supply). Also, so there are no misunderstandings, make it clear to the staff that you are taking your family member’s laundry home to clean.

A truism about your loved one’s wardrobe in a nursing home is that something will inevitably disappear, shrink, or become damaged. It’s a good idea to keep an itemized list of all their clothing, right down to the number of pairs of socks in their drawer. Additionally, make sure that all their clothing is clearly labeled with their name and room number. I also recommend that you visit the nursing home’s laundry department and find out what their specific procedures are. When you follow the steps I’ve outlined in this post, you will hopefully save yourself from some, if not all, laundry-related troubles.

Why Do People Refuse to Use Their Brains?

When There Is Silence

The Laundry Machine Ate All The Socks

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