Lisa Marie Chirico - Nursinghomeology

Why Can’t You Be Nice?

September 12, 2012 by Lisa Marie Chirico 2 Comments

As I write this post, it strikes me how the topic is not only relevant for my blog, but could easily be relevant to countless other written pieces. What I’m addressing today is a universal condition: the lack of kindness in our everyday lives.

Why is it so difficult for humans to just be nice to one another? I have noticed a lack of kindness at the nursing home where my Dad resides, and it disturbs me. Some staff members do their best to be kind to family members and the residents. Others fail at this.

It’s the little things, the things that your parents taught you when you were growing up such as: if you can’t say something nice to someone, don’t say anything; always say please and thank you; and smile at people when you have the chance.

I think many people simply don’t realize the effects of their actions, however small, on everyone they come in contact with. For instance, if I choose to smile at someone in an elevator, that simple action makes the person who I smile at feel good: I’m spreading a bit of joy their way. In turn, they will take that bit of good feeling and pass it on. A good analogy to illustrate this is the difference between opening a shade and letting light into a room, or closing a shade and keeping a room dark.

We make these little, conscious decisions daily. Something as simple as smiling at someone, or choosing instead to give that person a stony stare, makes all the difference in the world – it really does.

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
– Mark Twain

Why Do People Refuse to Use Their Brains?

June 14, 2012 by Lisa Marie Chirico 3 Comments

Have you ever wondered if people deliberately turn off their brain function? I know I have. From time to time, I find my Dad’s care at the nursing home lacking in common sense. To put it bluntly, when his personalized care plan is not followed, I want to exclaim to the person responsible: “don’t you have a brain inside your head?”

Sometimes, these lapses in judgement could be seen as medical errors. Other times, these “mistakes” are quality of life issues that have a big impact on my Dad. Either way, they should never be seen as petty or unimportant.

The word stupid may be one way to categorize these thoughtless actions. Merriam-Webster defines stupid as: “given to unintelligent decisions or acts: acting in an unintelligent or careless manner.”

Although we will never know someone’s justification for taking shortcuts when providing care, I believe it has something to do with that person’s compassion and sensitivity. A staff member of my Dad’s nursing home once remarked to me that compassion is not something that can be taught. I don’t agree with her.

By showing compassion and love for others, we set an example to follow. That example shines light into dark corners and illuminates everything in and around them. I believe that people can learn to be more compassionate, but sometimes, they turn away from what they know is right and instead, embrace what is wrong.

My Dad is unable to make any of his needs known. Although we speak for Dad now, our voices are not always heard. We can only hope and pray that those caring for him make the right choices—choices motivated by common sense, compassion, and the Golden Rule.

When There Is Silence

June 1, 2012 by Lisa Marie Chirico 6 Comments

I delayed writing this post because I was very angry and upset about the topic. I thought over time, it would become easier for me to share my thoughts and feelings. I was wrong.

My Dad was injured one night as he slept in his bed at the nursing home. To be specific, he received a cut on his hand that required nine stitches. To make matters worse, the nursing home’s investigation revealed no details about what caused the wound. In addition, the digital X-ray taken in the ER shed no light on the incident since it did not find any foreign matter in the laceration.

For my family, this means that we will never know what caused Dad’s injury. Since Alzheimer’s disease took his voice, he can’t tell us exactly what happened to him. Although this is difficult for us, we can only imagine how frustrating all of this must be for him.

We accept the fact that accidents happen and that people are not perfect. In an ideal world, those who gave care to my Dad that night would have told the truth when they were questioned. This way, my family would have received closure. Unfortunately, this was not the case.

As the sun came up and the next shift arrived, Dad’s aide came into his room to get him ready to start the day. She was shocked to discover his injury. She tried to figure out what could have caused the laceration. Strangely, there was no more blood in sight. Not on the pure white sheets, blanket, or pillow case. Not on the floor, the nightstand, or the bed rail. The garbage pail in the bathroom was even empty. In fact, there was no evidence in the room at all to indicate that anything out of the ordinary had occurred during the night.

Just like special agents from NCIS, my family searched for clues everywhere in Dad’s room to help us understand how he could have received such a deep laceration wound. We later were told that the nursing home staff had also searched for traces of blood, but found none. So, what conclusion can possibly be reached?

We have reasons to believe that those who were questioned were not telling the truth. We can only assume it was because they feared losing their jobs. I wish I could turn back the clock and whisper in their ears “the truth shall set you free.” Sadly though, I don’t think it would have made a bit of difference. Fear is a powerful motivator.

Like many before me, I am here to say that it’s never okay, under any circumstances, to take advantage of someone’s disability to suit one’s own needs. The people who were questioned about my Dad’s laceration believed that withholding the truth was the right thing to do – for them. They rationalized that because my Dad is unable to speak, the truth would never come out. They live with their misdeed. We live with the hurt that they caused our loved one.

I wonder what exactly happens when people flip a switch in their minds and place their needs ahead of everyone and everything else? To take it a step further, what do human brains look like when they are being selfish? Most importantly, what happens inside their hearts?

“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
– Martin Luther King, Jr.

Why You’re Not God

January 24, 2012 by Lisa Marie Chirico 3 Comments

As we know, inspiration is sometimes found in the most unlikely places! A recent telephone conversation with a nurse at my Dad’s nursing home inspired this blog post. This conversation was supposed to be an update about his flu-like symptoms. Our family was perplexed over the addition of a second antibiotic, and the nurse – let’s call her Florence – was trying to convince me of the benefits of this medication during the phone call.

About three minutes into the call, Florence decided to switch gears and wanted to talk about Alzheimer’s disease. For some reason, she assumed that it was necessary to explain to me the progression of the disease and how, eventually, it would lead to my Dad’s death. I was shocked that she found the need to lecture me about his illness and then follow that up with relaying how it will take his life.

Was nurse Florence just trying to impress me with her knowledge base, or was she on an ego trip? It’s hard to say, but I’m leaning towards the ego trip. One of my favorite teachers, Dr. Wayne Dyer, advises that the ego is an acronym for edging God out – he’s so right!

Florence’s decision to lecture a family member about their loved one’s illness was very troubling to me. Did she assume that I knew absolutely nothing about Alzheimer’s disease? This was a big mistake on her part, since I don’t know of anyone who does not make a point of learning all they can about their loved one’s disease.

Also, Florence’s choice to play God and predict when and how my Dad will pass away is especially offensive to me. Her clinical description went beyond insensitivity. I wanted to say to her: “Guess what, Florence? In case no one has told you, you’re not God!” Apparently, she thinks because she works in the medical field, that she can accurately predict when someone will die. I assume that she was absent from class the day her fellow nursing students learned about how to talk to family members. Her ludicrous notion that she could know something only God knows angered me greatly, mainly because it’s a reflection of how society views life and death.

We cannot live our lives with a constant fear of death. If you have a loved one who suffers from an illness, their passing might be an ever-present thought. I’m here to say ignore that thought! Instead, celebrate every precious moment of their life as well as your own. Despite what any doctor or nurse will tell you, the only one who knows when and exactly how someone will pass away is God, and the last time I looked, He doesn’t have a stand-in. Carpe diem!

Why Can’t You Be Nice?

Why Do People Refuse to Use Their Brains?

When There Is Silence

Why You’re Not God

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