As we know, inspiration is sometimes found in the most unlikely places! A recent telephone conversation with a nurse at my Dad’s nursing home inspired this blog post. This conversation was supposed to be an update about his flu-like symptoms. Our family was perplexed over the addition of a second antibiotic, and the nurse – let’s call her Florence – was trying to convince me of the benefits of this medication during the phone call.
About three minutes into the call, Florence decided to switch gears and wanted to talk about Alzheimer’s disease. For some reason, she assumed that it was necessary to explain to me the progression of the disease and how, eventually, it would lead to my Dad’s death. I was shocked that she found the need to lecture me about his illness and then follow that up with relaying how it will take his life.
Was nurse Florence just trying to impress me with her knowledge base, or was she on an ego trip? It’s hard to say, but I’m leaning towards the ego trip. One of my favorite teachers, Dr. Wayne Dyer, advises that the ego is an acronym for edging God out – he’s so right!
Florence’s decision to lecture a family member about their loved one’s illness was very troubling to me. Did she assume that I knew absolutely nothing about Alzheimer’s disease? This was a big mistake on her part, since I don’t know of anyone who does not make a point of learning all they can about their loved one’s disease.
Also, Florence’s choice to play God and predict when and how my Dad will pass away is especially offensive to me. Her clinical description went beyond insensitivity. I wanted to say to her: “Guess what, Florence? In case no one has told you, you’re not God!” Apparently, she thinks because she works in the medical field, that she can accurately predict when someone will die. I assume that she was absent from class the day her fellow nursing students learned about how to talk to family members. Her ludicrous notion that she could know something only God knows angered me greatly, mainly because it’s a reflection of how society views life and death.
We cannot live our lives with a constant fear of death. If you have a loved one who suffers from an illness, their passing might be an ever-present thought. I’m here to say ignore that thought! Instead, celebrate every precious moment of their life as well as your own. Despite what any doctor or nurse will tell you, the only one who knows when and exactly how someone will pass away is God, and the last time I looked, He doesn’t have a stand-in. Carpe diem!
Tinker Bell says
First and for most let start by stating, I myself am a nurse and regretfully still work in the medical “industry”. In recent years, the health care “industry” has become something I’m personally not proud to be a part of. However, this is my trade and my passion. And I want to attempt to be part of the solution by furthering my career, increasingly ethos, and hopefully making a small indent in the right direction.
Additionally, I have had family members in a Nursing Home establishment and have been less than impressed with the organization or lake thereof, of staff, and over all care provided by the homes.
Having a dual perspective gives me a great advantage in working with patients and their families but it also gives me great sorrow to see the decline that nursing (in its entirety) as dealt with.
Our Health Care system from the top (government) down (nurses themselves) is beyond warped, unbalanced, and tarnished; amongst many other “industries” and systems in this country. Our priorities have been completely flip flopped making the patient secondary to paperwork and finances.
Working first hand in the “industry”, I see the tremendous amount of pressure on those whom actually are there for the right reasons. Making it nearly impossible to provide patients and their families the care, they deserve AND PAY FOR! Pharmaceutical companies, insurance companies, coupled with the distorted regulations and policies set by our government have made a mess out of the systems that should hold precedence for our customers, the residents, patients, and families.
With all that being said, there is still no excuse to make a suffering-patients problem secondary to your own. How selfish must a nurse or caregiver be to manipulate a conversation of explanation into a conversation of belittlement. Or rather, how thin must the caregiver be spread before their real intentions are further warped, distorted, and tarnished? With all the pressures of our “systems”, trickling down onto the facilities and then in turn the nursing staff it’s not unheard of to hear these types of situations. In fact, they happen all too often, unfortunately.
So my next question to ask is, how do we fix these major problems? People need to gain their voices again. Too many people sit by quietly while they witness the demise of our health care “industry”. We need to stand up for ourselves and stop expecting others to do it for us! Speak out, stand up, and get involved! Start somewhere and act now! Further you education to ensure the security of our morals, priorities, and humanity. Write your senators, congressman, and elected officials. Volunteer at your local nursing home, hospital, or medical establishment. Keep your standards high and step in when you see those basic standards of humanity being shattered. Advocate for your loved one, especially those whom can’t speak for themselves. And at the very minimum be present. The more time your involved the clearer your perspective will be and thus enabling your abilities to shine brighter.
Lisa Marie Chirico says
Thanks so much for your insights, Tinker Bell! It’s great to hear feedback from a nurse, and your advice to caregivers in the last paragraph is excellent!
James says
It must have been detrimental to take a loved one through what most of them know, they experience changes early even before they come to care facility and it leaves them devastated by this monster eating into their mum or Dad and there is no cure.
I have this happening now and then in hospitals where I take my Residents for appointments but its like been reminded of your worst of helplessness.
All said here in Africa awareness program kick is slow and not most people who think it’s not pure psychotic disease or bewitches, mythical stories that one feel stigmatized.
Let’s keep up with caring for loved one and victim. Thanks